Things I've learnt from TV: Ally McBeal

Ally McBeal was a great TV programme. A female protagonist who is just a little on the eccentric side, just trying to make a wrong, right. I can relate on a number of levels and the neurosis and flamboyant gesticulations are just the beginning.

This quirky show taught me a lot a lot about life:
1) You need a theme song. I don't necessarily have a 'life' theme song so much as a song of the day but I think it has the same effect.
2) Everybody should have access to a jazz bar in their office building that has a jazz singer who takes requests and where you can "do a number" on a whim.
3) Jon Bon Jovi would make a great handyman. *insert rude plumber joke here*
4) To take the time to take a moment. Lean your head on your hand, resting your fingers on the bridge of your nose and just...take a moment. 
5) Anything can be profound if you add "Fishism" to the end of it.
6) Anorexia is bad.

In the words of John "the biscuit" Cage - Poughkeep, poughkeep, poughkeepsie.

More Vegemite nonsense

This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen.

People either want to eat Vegemite or they don't. Did you not learn anything from the iSnack fiasco?

Kids have coped just fine with full strength Vegemite toast for many years. Whether is it was on a sandwich at school or on toasted soldiers dunked into a boiled egg we are all here to tell the story.

And here is an idea - if you don't want the flavour to be so salty - put less on! You just need to get your ratios right.

In the words of that crazy judge from Boston Legal - This is outrageous.

Jog on Kraft. Stick to finding new ways to make cheese taste like a plastic bag and leave Vegemite alone.

Definition of an understudy...

I was all excited to go to opening night of Dr Zhivago - a world premiere musical. Once we were seated we were told by the producer that Anthony Warlow had injured himself that day in rehearsal.We were pretty gutted, we are all big Anthony Warlow fans.

The producer then went on to say that the understudy and cast would perform "about half an hour" of the show and we would all get a refund/exchange on our ticket.

To me, this is peculiar behaviour for opening night of a professional production. Why is the understudy not ready to go on?! Isn't that by definition the role of an understudy? We could only speculate as to the reason/s why he was not fully ready but in my opinion it was a poor decision.

Now we have seen the first 45 minutes of the show and the cast did a great job and Anton (the "true Russian" understudy) is clearly a talented performer. I was just not into it because I knew it would end abruptly. And because we were told it would be half an hour it felt very long.

I will be exchanging my ticket rather than refunding it and I hope this poor decision doesn't hurt them in the long run.

Cyclists who don't obey the road rules

Good on those people who are keen cyclists - saving the planet and getting exercise at the same time. Doesn't get much better than that. Unless you are a car behind trying your best not to kill them.

Yes I know, the road is there to share and they have just as much right to be there as the cars.

What pisses me right off is when you slowly and carefully over take them (as do all the others in your lane) and then you get stopped at a set of traffic lights and they just push their way to the front of the queue making the arduous task of getting around start ALL over again.

More vexing are those cyclists who don't believe they are required to stop at said traffic light, instead just following the pedestrian cross signal or worse still running a red. EITHER YOU ARE A PEDESTRIAN AND YOU CYCLE ON THE FOOTPATH OR A CAR ON THE ROAD!!!! This is not a Hannah Montana moment - you do not get the best of both worlds.

If you want to be treated with the same respect as a car then obey the road rules. All of them, not just when it is convenient.

No excuse for bad manners.

There is a great little organic shop downstairs from my office that I frequently visit for delcious breakfast and lunch. In the mornings they have a pick and mix style breakfast bar where you can choose the fruit, museli and yoghurt from a range of options and design your own meal. At lunch they have soups, salads, fresh rice paper rolls and a juice bar.


It is run by a delightful Chinese couple and Margaret and her team are always friendly and happy to serve.

I am astounded by the number of people walk up to the front of the counter and say "I'll have the chicken." then just hold their money and turn their face away. If you are ordering a soup or rice paper roll there are often questions as to whether you want bread, sauce, pepper and these go ignored.

I'm sorry you'll have what? Was that a please I heard in there? No? You don't want to answer whether you want pepper? Ok just take your salad and walk away never mind about saying thank you.

It is just plain rude.


It really isn't that hard and there are lots of ways you can mix it up so you don't get bored...

I'd like to have the chicken please.
Please may I have the chicken?
Or my favourite, May I please have the chicken?

As they say, Civility costs nothing.

Surprise Mayo.

To me, there is not a lot that could ruin a meal more than surprise mayo. Over the years, people have accused me of being anti-condiment, particularly when it come to sandwiches which is completely unjustified. What I don't like is mayonnaise. Especially when I am unprepared.

Just looking at the image makes me queasy.

Yesterday, I had lunch with a friend at the local cafe to my workplace. A great little place which does a mean bircher muesli of a morning. After perusing the extensive menu, I decided on the open steak sandwich.
The menu was nice and descriptive, outlining the contents of my meal to come "fillet steak, tomato relish, onion marmalade, fresh tomato and rocket served with fries". Sounded delicious.

It arrived, looking every bit as delicious as it sounds but unfortunately it was drenched (top and bottom) with garlic mayonnaise. I was gutted.

Panic stricken, thinking I had overlooked it on the menu I asked the waitress to bring the menu back to me so I could check. Nope, not there. The chef had indeed added some surprise mayo - perhaps for flair.

The delightful lady, kindly pointed this out to the chef and they made me a fresh one mayo-free as promised (although he was not too pleased). All was well at lunch but it had been a near miss.

A word of advice to cafes everywhere - if you are going to outline all the ingredients on a sandwich - please make sure it is all the ingredients!

That's the thing about common sense...

I am often baffled by people's innate lack of any common sense and courtesy - Why do you not have your ticket out when you get to the turnstile at the station? Why did you just stop in the middle of the path at the top of the escalator? What did you think would happen when you put a watermelon on top of your eggs?

But this morning on the train, a woman nearly had me up in her face gangster style.We are all anxiously watching the news, learning the latest about the floods in Queensland and now parts of NSW and VIC with most of us feeling helpless in the fact that there is nothing we can do.

This woman had a different take. These are some of the highlights of her loud conversation with her friend:
"How could you ever live so close to a flood plain"
"They are all stupid to move there"
"I would never insure them living in a flood plain"

"What idiots"

What on earth possessed her to say these things, out loud, in a public place, the morning where 10 people are confirmed dead, over 90 are missing and the worst is still to come? I can not answer that.

As to what I should have said to her this morning:
Firstly, what an incredibly insensitive thing to say on a train packed full of strangers. You don't know who these people are and how they are affected.
Secondly, why do you think people live there? Is it perhaps because the natural water sources provide a good environment to cultivate crops?
And finally, surely we can all agree that this has been an unseasonably wet Summer. Therefore the conditions faced are not the result of poor town planning but a natural disaster.


And yes, I know you have the right to your opinion and to be an insensitive individual, but do you have to do it loudly, in my full carriage at 7.30 in the morning? I find it offensive. Also - take that ridiculous nail polish off.

/end rant.

The obsession with Japan continues...

It has been a long time coming, but in recent months I have become nothing short of obsessed with everything Japanese. Not being a big fish eater, I spent many years writing off Japanese food and it turns out this was a BIG mistake on my part! I now wake up in the night craving ramen and have been driving people around me mad with anecdotes from Michael's Booth's fantastic book "Sushi and Beyond: What the Japanese Know About Cooking". A man after my own heart, and stomach.

After an impromptu trip to Japan with a good friend last year we, along with Miss Feathers, have spent a long time trying to find authentic Japanese food in Sydney and recreate it at home with varying levels of success. But on Saturday we hit the jackpot! Real Okonomiyaki at home! Whilst in Japan, we were a bit intimidated by this dish after we had our chopstick technique critiqued by an old man in Hiroshima, so although this is often "cooked youself" on a hotplate built into the table, we insisted it be cooked by the chef. We made out like it was too hot to have the table burner on but really we were just afraid of looking even more like idiots. At home, I have no such qualms.

Simple and delicious, Okonomiyaki is effectively a Japanese pancake - filled with whatever you desire. A cross between an omlette and a crepe they are easy to make and super filling!

To make this at home I would recommend investing in genuine flour, mayonaise and the secret sauce. For the true experience you should also get the bonito flakes which dance illustriously from the steam of the dish.

 From here - it is very straightforward. Mixing the flour (1cup) with stock or dashi (625mL) then leaving it to rest in the fridge for an hour. Add some shredded chinese cabbage, shallots and 2 eggs mixing to form a batter. Don't panic if you feel like you have "over cabbaged" as it wilts in the batter and shrinks when cooked.

Pour the mixture into a heated, non stick frying pan and while the bottom is cooking, sprinkle your desired "topping" on the top. We chose fried soba noodles and ham.

After about 5 minutes - flip the pancake over (so it is effectively on top of your toppings).

For me, this was a highlight of the whole experience. We had two egg flips going simultaneously and managed to weild it so that we got it over in one smooth turn. To say we were pleased with ourselves would be an understatement. High fives all round.

We may have got a little over confident because our second attempt broke in half and landed most of the ham on the stove top.

 Once cooked to your liking, flip it back onto a plate and decorate with the secret sauces and bontio flakes.  

Oishii! But in hindsight the second batch was a mistake...so full...can't breathe...

The Art and Ettiquette of Picnicking

Last night a few friends and I ventured to the opening night of the Sydney Festival. We were not bothered to cater our evening at the festival but I think if we had put the effort (and smuggled in some wine) in it would have made the experience significantly more enjoyable (and saved us for a very average restaurant. See Miss Feather's review of Giardinetto).

As were were lounging around on our rugs we spent the best part of half an hour speculating about what we would eat as a picnic right then and there. Torture? Probably.

For me it is simple; bread and cheese. Chilli jam essential. A nice fresh, fruit platter and some sparkling wine would also go down a treat. This speculation got me thinking about what can make or break a picnic.


Some notes for a successful a picnic:
Don't rush preparation. Take the time to put in some thought - think about what you are taking food wise and make sure you take the appropriate implements. For example - if you take a loaf of fresh sour dough bread you should probably consider a board and bread knife. A good picnic set will also come in handy.

The more rugs, the better. There is nothing worse than people perching on an edge of a rug with their legs hanging out.

Prepare for the creatures - whether they are flies, ants, mosquitoes or pigeons a good picnic will always come with unwanted guests.

Never underestimate the importancee of plastic bags and napkins.


And as a final note - and potentially the most vital - never, ever, put your foot on someone else's rug. It was crowded at the festival last night and there was bound to be incidents of people catching a corner of a rug as they walked by. This was irritating, but understandable. However, a particularly vexing character (let's call him Francois), after hours of blowing smoke in our face and pushing the edges of our rugs, decided that it was a rug free-for-all and put his unwashed, bare foot right in the centre of my rug. I could not help but freak out when only inches to my right this hairy thing appeared out of nowhere.
It was the ultimate picnic faux pas.